Dear Friend,
Do you ever feel alone? And when I say alone, I mean more than lonely. I mean really, truly alone. Like it is all up to you and not only is no one with you, but no one is for you. You are alone. Have you ever felt like that? I have. And when I feel that feeling I respond in one of two ways: I either panic and work like a crazy person or I lay down and give up. Neither response solves my problem, but I do it anyway.
This morning I was feeling like that. Alone. Struggling to doggie paddle during a tsunami. I could feel the panic gripping me and my heart was racing with anxiety. My brain was swirling with the list of things I needed to get done and the list of things I needed to worry about. Yes, I said “needed to worry about.” I literally thought that I needed to worry about a few things. As if that would solve any problems or prevent any disasters.
I didn’t feel like having a quiet time this morning. I had so much to do! So much to worry about! I really didn’t have time to read my Bible or journal a prayer. But I made myself sit in my little nest on my couch and I opened my Bible and I opened my journal and I sat there.
Nothing happened at first.
My Bible was open to Psalm 139 because I had been reminded of it in church yesterday and I thought I should spend some time in it. I read it and I sat.
Nothing happened. I started thinking about my to-do list.
I decided to read the psalm out loud. It would help me focus. So I read Psalm 139 out loud.
Still, nothing happened. My heart rate was clipping along like I’d just sprinted up the stairs.
So I decided to write the psalm. And as I was writing, something happened.
I realized that I was not alone.
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139: 7-10).
I realized that not only was I not alone, but God was guiding me and He was holding me fast. I didn’t need to worry about all those things. They were not all up to me anyway. I had allowed some illusion of control to infiltrate my thinking, and when faced with so many things that I clearly could not accomplish myself, I had panicked. I had forgotten that the God of the universe is in control, and He is quite capable thankyouverymuch, and He would not for a minute let me out of His grip.
And then I began to pray. I confessed my worry to my heavenly Father and I asked Him to increase my faith. I reminded myself that nothing is too hard for God, that His plans are best, and that I can do all things through Christ. I remembered that I have the Holy Spirit in me and that when I walk in the Spirit I end up walking myself into some pretty good places (Galatians 5:16-26).
And my heart rate slowed and my mind settled and my day didn’t feel nearly as scary. Because I was not alone.
And it is not all up to me. And the things in your life are not all up to you.
I am never alone and neither are you. But sometimes we forget and sometimes we panic. And when we are busy running around like our hair is on fire, it is awfully hard to hear the Voice of Truth.
So don’t skip that part of your day when you sit down and open your Bible and make space for your ears to hear that still, small voice that says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
Deep breath.
You are not alone.
Trust your heavenly Father.
One day at a time, dear Friend…
Laura
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